For those of you who have been following my blog, you know that I’m all about making ethical dog care choices. From Dog nutrition to How to choose a high quality pet groomer. Well now I’m going to talk about why respecting your dog’s choice matters when it comes to how we touch and interact with them.
The key to safe interaction is why respecting your Dog’s Choice matters
You might be asking yourself, Why does it matter to respect your dog’s choice?Well, let’s start with the following question? Have you ever watched someone walk straight up to an unfamiliar dog, reach over its head, and say, “Dogs love me”?
Sometimes they’re right.
Sometimes they’re very, very wrong.
The problem is that many of us have grown up believing that if a dog isn’t barking or growling, then it’s comfortable. But dogs communicate long before they ever make a sound. If we don’t recognize what they’re saying, we can unintentionally put both ourselves and the dog into an uncomfortable—or even dangerous—situation.
Safe interactions with dogs aren’t about being afraid of them. They’re about understanding them. At the heart of every positive interaction is one simple principle: respecting a dog’s choice.
Every Dog Is an Individual
One of the biggest misconceptions is that all dogs enjoy meeting new people.
Some do.
Others would much rather admire you from a distance.
A confident Labrador may happily greet everyone who walks by, while a rescue dog with a difficult past may need time before feeling comfortable with strangers. An older dog dealing with arthritis may not appreciate being hugged or patted vigorously. Even the friendliest dog can have an “off” day.
Just like people, dogs have different personalities, preferences, and comfort levels.
Assuming every dog wants to interact is often where problems begin.
So what does it mean to respect your Dog’s Choice?
It means understanding the difference between tolerance and choice.
Perhaps one of the biggest misunderstandings in our relationship with dogs is assuming that because they allow us to do something, they must enjoy it.
Dogs may appear to accept being grabbed, hugged, picked up, or restrained. But there’s a significant difference between tolerating these human interactions and actually choosing them.
Many dogs endure hugs because they’ve learned they have little choice. They tolerate being lifted into someone’s arms, kissed on the face, or squeezed tightly because they’ve discovered that struggling doesn’t make the interaction stop.
That’s not choice.
It’s simply endurance.
The challenge is that every dog has a limit.
Have you ever heard someone say after their dog has bitten someone—even themselves—”He’s never bitten anyone before”?
That could very well be true.
In many cases, the dog may have tolerated being hugged, grabbed unexpectedly, picked up, or handled in ways that made them uncomfortable dozens, hundreds, or even thousands of times. Each experience added a little more stress until one day the dog’s coping capacity was exhausted.
That final interaction wasn’t necessarily worse than all the others.
It was simply one interaction too many.
The dog reached their threshold.
Unfortunately, when that happens, people often describe the bite as coming “out of nowhere.”
For the dog, however, it rarely does.
Listening is key to why respecting your Dog’s Choice matters
The fascinating thing about dogs is that they communicate constantly.
Unfortunately, people tend to notice only the obvious signals, like barking or growling.
In reality, dogs often give a series of subtle messages before they reach that point:
When those signals are ignored, the dog may feel it has no choice but to use stronger forms of communication.
- They may turn their head away.
- Lick their lips.
- Yawn.
- Avoid eye contact.
- Freeze.
- Step backwards.
- Look to their owner for help.
- These behaviours are not signs of a “bad dog.” They’re communication. The dog is politely saying, “I’m not comfortable.”
Rather than asking, “Why did the dog bite?” we should also ask, “What was the dog trying to tell us before that happened?”
As noted in this Psychology Today article, research indicates that dogs don’t generally want to be hugged.
Respecting a dog’s choice starts with listening to what they have been trying to tell us all along.
How do we include our dog’s choices in a Human World?
If we’re honest, hugging, cuddling, carrying, and constantly touching dogs are largely human needs.
They’re how we express affection. And provide us with what we need for our emotional well being.
But dogs don’t naturally greet one another by wrapping their front legs around each other in a tight embrace or by lifting one another off the ground. These are behaviours we’ve introduced into the relationship with them because that makes us feel connected to our dogs and other people.
The problem is that many dogs find these interactions stressful rather than comforting.
Not only can repeated unwanted handling increase the risk of a bite, but it can also leave dogs living with chronic stress and anxiety.
As many of you know, my mission has always been to help people make ethical dog care choices.
That doesn’t stop with choosing the right food, avoiding aversive training methods, or providing enrichment.
It also includes how we interact with our dogs every single day.
Ethical dog care means considering what our dogs need before satisfying our own desire to hug, hold, kiss, or cuddle them.
Sometimes the kindest thing we can do is simply respect their space.
The reality is that dogs have very few choices when they live in our human world.
Think about it. We decide all of the following:
- When they eat.
- When and where they go for a walk.
- We choose where and when they can relieve themselves.
- We determine who comes into their home, what activities they participate in, and even when it’s time to play or when it’s time to rest.
We have very high expectations:
- We ask them to wait patiently while we’re busy and expect them to be ready to engage the moment it suits us.
- We expect them not to do something when we don’t want them to, and to happily do something when we do.
- If we’re tired, working, or simply not in the mood, we expect them to settle down and quietly fit into our schedule.
In so many ways, our dogs spend their lives adapting to ours. That makes the choices they do have incredibly important!
Whether they want to approach someone, move away from an interaction, decline a hug, or simply be left alone for a while, these are small decisions that allow dogs to feel safe and in control of their own lives.
Respecting a dog’s choice may be as simple as allowing them to walk away, decline a hug, or choose whether they want to interact with a visitor.
When we respect those choices, we’re doing more than preventing stress or reducing the risk of a bite—we’re acknowledging that our dogs are sentient beings with their own preferences, emotions, and boundaries.
Giving dogs more agency whenever it’s safe to do so isn’t spoiling them.
It’s treating them with the same respect we would hope to receive ourselves.
The Price Dogs Can Pay
Dogs live in a world designed almost entirely for humans.
We expect them to adapt to crowded sidewalks, noisy neighbourhoods, unfamiliar visitors, veterinary procedures, grooming appointments, children, bicycles, vacuum cleaners, and countless social situations that are completely foreign to their canine nature.
Those are incredibly high expectations!
And sadly, when dogs struggle to cope with those expectations, they often pay the price.
A dog who has been startled from behind, grabbed unexpectedly, picked up one too many times, or pushed beyond their comfort zone may eventually bite in self-defence.
The consequences can be devastating for them.
Instead of asking why the dog finally reacted, people may label the dog as aggressive or unpredictable.
In the worst cases, that single defensive bite can lead to relinquishment, legal consequences, or even euthanasia.
When we ignore what dogs have been trying to communicate all along, they’re often the ones who suffer the greatest consequences.
It benefits everyone when we think about Why respecting your Dog’s Choice matters!
When people understand canine communication, everyone wins.
- Dogs feel safer.
- Owners become more confident.
- Children learn empathy and respect.
- Communities experience fewer preventable bites.
- Perhaps most importantly, dogs are no longer expected to silently tolerate situations that make them uncomfortable simply because people assume they should.
The more we practise respecting a dog’s choice, the more trust we build—and trust is the foundation of every healthy human-dog relationship.
We work towards better relationships when when reflect on why respecting your dog’s Choice matters.
Dogs have shared our homes for thousands of years, yet we’re still learning how rich and sophisticated their communication really is.
The good news is that interacting safely doesn’t require special training or years of experience.
- It starts with slowing down.
- Observing.
- Listening.
- Respecting the dog’s choices.
- Every positive interaction builds trust—not only between you and that dog, but between dogs and people as a whole.
The next time you feel the urge to wrap your arms around your dog or scoop them up for a cuddle, ask yourself one simple question:
Is this something my dog is enjoying—or something they’re simply tolerating for me?
That single question may change the way you see your relationship forever.
Because respecting your dog’s choice isn’t just about preventing bites. It’s about recognizing dogs as sentient individuals with preferences, boundaries, emotions, and the right to have some control over their own lives.
Dogs spend their lives adapting to our world. The least we can do is respect the choices they still have.
When we begin putting their needs ahead of our desires, we become the kind of companions they have deserved all along.
Stay tuned for more articles in the upcoming series, “Fulfilling your Dog’s Needs,” where we will continue exploring how we can better understand our dogs, honour their needs, and create relationships built on trust, respect, and compassion.
Yours in better dog care, Judy
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